I was born in 1990 as a second child to my parents. I believe I was lucky enough to have parents that gave me freedom to move around and enjoy the life, thus enabling me to develop myself and my thoughts. I always believed a person free to move around his path can be of some use, than a person who is trained to be something. I did move on to my life, made mistakes and even failed; but I was moving on after each failiure taking it as a lesson and experience to be someone I wanted to be.
I always loved the dark side of life, I loved being alone circulating around things I love. I was never afraid of lonliness, and I always wanted it, loved it and lived it. I was a person who never cared to see if I had someone waiting for me or not. I think I just lost myself there.......... I am nowhere in this world, The normal things around seems so complicated to me. I wish I had lived my life better. I look around the world, freely chattin and doing free things and look at my inability to do those things. I ask myself why I can't just be as free and actually normal.... Why can't I just do most of normal things in life???? I feel I could have lived my life better in childhood........
I look at myself now and realize my mind is laughing at me because I am just a no one in this world and sadly I have lost my world..... Am hanging alone in a space where I can see people moving on; but hardly anyone can see me.... I want to feel normal and freely fly with people, BUT no matter how hard I try I cannot just do those things. While in group, I can only laugh at what others say, I hardly could speak to my parents and my sis... I did nothing except reply or irritate them. However I can speak when a certain situation arises or a topic arises and when I need to.....on certain aspects I am interested in, or when someone needs me!!!!!!!
I dont know how I can escape from these things in life and enjoy what others enjoy. Give people what they expect regularly, atleast.......... I put effort to just be myself and try to mix with others, but I know its a useless try and I never succeeded........ I look around myself and see people..... but I find myself blocked by certain nerdy things and they cant see anything that there is a person with certain dead emotion staying just to be touched or waved at or smiled at.......
I never found any static place for myself in this world. I want to realize who am I? I want to find a spot where I can mix and actually feel am in this world..... Why is it so difficult......... I can say I always end p finding myself in a deep hole full of pictures of people enjoying....... I wish to........ but I know they are just a picture and they dont need me until they fall from the wall and I get the responsibility of hanging them........ thats the only time I get close... after hanging am again in the same state of finding myself staring at em.... while they just cant see me!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELLO TO THIS WORLD
I always loved the dark side of life, I loved being alone circulating around things I love. I was never afraid of lonliness, and I always wanted it, loved it and lived it. I was a person who never cared to see if I had someone waiting for me or not. I think I just lost myself there.......... I am nowhere in this world, The normal things around seems so complicated to me. I wish I had lived my life better. I look around the world, freely chattin and doing free things and look at my inability to do those things. I ask myself why I can't just be as free and actually normal.... Why can't I just do most of normal things in life???? I feel I could have lived my life better in childhood........
I look at myself now and realize my mind is laughing at me because I am just a no one in this world and sadly I have lost my world..... Am hanging alone in a space where I can see people moving on; but hardly anyone can see me.... I want to feel normal and freely fly with people, BUT no matter how hard I try I cannot just do those things. While in group, I can only laugh at what others say, I hardly could speak to my parents and my sis... I did nothing except reply or irritate them. However I can speak when a certain situation arises or a topic arises and when I need to.....on certain aspects I am interested in, or when someone needs me!!!!!!!
I dont know how I can escape from these things in life and enjoy what others enjoy. Give people what they expect regularly, atleast.......... I put effort to just be myself and try to mix with others, but I know its a useless try and I never succeeded........ I look around myself and see people..... but I find myself blocked by certain nerdy things and they cant see anything that there is a person with certain dead emotion staying just to be touched or waved at or smiled at.......
I never found any static place for myself in this world. I want to realize who am I? I want to find a spot where I can mix and actually feel am in this world..... Why is it so difficult......... I can say I always end p finding myself in a deep hole full of pictures of people enjoying....... I wish to........ but I know they are just a picture and they dont need me until they fall from the wall and I get the responsibility of hanging them........ thats the only time I get close... after hanging am again in the same state of finding myself staring at em.... while they just cant see me!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELLO TO THIS WORLD
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