If scoring good marks only could shape me and my life, I'd simply FAIL! - Anuja Khadka

A Touching article by Anuja Khadka. Read more of her post from
www.anuja-etcetera.com/2011/08/if-success-of-life-was-scoring-good.html

My parents always wanted me to reach to the apex. To top wasn't my dream but it was the dream of my parents. I did it. I was merit student since my pre-primary level. I used to score high marks. There was trend of rote learning all around. Little me, I used to stay under the sun every morning and move my back and study like the Pundit spells out his mantras.
Before entering the examination hall, I used to again see my notes and memorise it. Rote learning was something I never wanted but our course was so large for my little mind that I was forced to memorise everything. There came a time when I almost forgot everything that I had memorised.
I was good in extra – curricular activities, so better than my Maths and Science. I was active and forward in Singing, Dancing, Sports and many other activities. My favourite competition was Spelling Contest. It's because I knew how the words sound and its formation. I had learnt it myself. I wasn't given home assignment for learning about those stuffs. I even won the good positions in this contest, also English Essay Writing too.
In the other hand, I was bad in Maths. I was poor in Science. It's because I had no passion for those studies. The teacher used to teach and, my little mind had no space for comprehending all those formulae. Next day, I used to forget everything and teacher used to shout at me making his Mouth wider and wider showing that scary stick to me. Poor I, that behaviour of the teacher had developed a fear in me. I say you, our teacher never tried to teach and understand our timid psychology. Did they? But, I give the favorite subjects' position to English.
The knowledge of understanding the book came to my mind when I reached grade 10. I tried and apprehended some formations of Chemistry elements. Then I did well in Chemistry. Same happened with Physics and Biology. It was late but never too late. Optional Maths and Compulsory Maths for me was late since I hadn't understood its base perfectly. But, comparatively I did well.


Time had stroke for S.L.C examinations. I never revised English, Nepali, Social Studies and Health Population properly. My whole day and nights went on with Maths, maths and again maths. My school used to pressurize us with fear. I think, a teen's mind doesn't work with fear because I felt so. We were not allowed to skip a single class unless we are unwell. Then, I used to lie to the school, I was sick. I don't blame myself for lying. I blame school for forcing me to lie. So, is the story of every student? From early morning to late evening, I was attacked by assignments. The pressures of those loads are ineffable in words. I'm sure I don't have to explain. We all have faced the same. We had regular classes from 6 in the morning to 5 in the evening, sometimes even 6. 12 hours inside the same classroom with the patches of inks on my palm was disgusting. I used to feel so sleepy. For that I was scolded, my friends were scolded. I don't blame myself for feeling sleepy; I blame those school pressures for feeling sleepy. I used feel so tired that I can't explain.
My sad story, I used to work hard. Even feeling sleepy, I used to try and mope it away with one flush of water. After returning back, I had no time for rest. My sweet mom used to feed me as soon as I returned back. I used to carry on with my forcefully loaded assignments.
Most of the times, I slept with my books and copies open. From 4 in the morning to 11 at night, my mind was fully on studies. God damn! I was hardworking.

My teacher had only one famous question repeatedly, 'Do you have any questions?' How would I have questions when my mind didn't develop that creativeness? Every student doesn't come with same mind, do they? Some understand before clock strikes a second, some doesn't even after an hour and some need the repetition. Yes! My teachers had same old dialogue 'I can repeat it hundreds of times'. As a poor student asked to repeat it for several times, yes, they used to but, an eye of viewing that student used to be 'A POOR STUDENT'. Hello sir! Hellos miss! The student is not poor; the student wants to understand YOU as you are not able to explain well. If merit students understood the formation of wavy lines, these students could understand the formation of a straight line. No one is to that level of not understanding what a DOT is, eh?
Yes! I stood distinct in that hated S.L.C examinations. Happy were everyone. But, soon sad were everyone when I told them that I wanted to study ARTS. My dad wanted me to study science, my mom wanted me to study science. My dad actually wanted me to graduate in some degrees like Engineer or a doctor. After lot of cajoling, mom had understood my thoughts and ideas.
Since little, I have the queues of dreams. I now give wicked smile to those queues of my dreams. Ha-ha! When I reached grade U.K.G, I told mom, I wanted to be a doctor. All because, I only knew only one profession 'doctor'. When I reached grade 3, I wanted to be a pilot. Ha-ha! More, I reached to grade 4; I wanted to be a Lawyer as I was impressed by one TV serial where the presence of that female lawyer was portrayed successfully. In grade 6, one day I was walking with dad from Satdobato to Lagankhel catching his fingers. I told him, dad I want to be an Architect. He had told me 'really OK'...

But when I reached grade 7, I fixed my field. I was sleeping with mom. I told her that I wanted to be a good journalist. I was so aware about my future. I was at the age of early teen but I used to think so deeply. What I loved to do, what I didn't. I calculated and filtered everything. I told her I wanted to study mass communication when this subject wasn't popular in our country. She thought, oh! Her little mind and said 'OK!' I was permitted.
Since then, now that I'm at graduate level I didn't let my dream down. But, in the other hand when it came time for studying Humanities (Arts), dad disliked it. Not only dad, almost everyone disliked. What was there wrong in studying this subject? I can't understand. Arts student was leveled as Third Class student. Come study and I'll tell you to which class does it belong to. I topped the college non-stop as it was the field of my interest. I loved writing. As I was about to be admitted at K.U, dad even asked m e if I could change it to something like Engineering. Oh! I hated but I respect it too.
If I was focused for increasing the talent that I had in born, then I would be far more talented. Now I realise I needed music classes, I loved guitar, and I needed art classes. Any one Mom? Had you trained me, your daughter would be far talented.
I hate Medicines and Drugs. I can't stand their presence around me. I can't stand Blood. I can't bind myself in a simple formula. I don't believe in that sort of knowledge that is forgotten. I have forgotten 10ths Opt. Maths' formulae. So, what was it useful for? They are like nightmares. I love Photography, literature and love to be surrounded by books. I love TV, movies and music. I love art creating things, imagining, and knowing WORLD!

I have chosen the life sustaining field, equally interesting and challenging. Then how could I study Medicine and Engineering DAD? If scoring good marks only could shape me and my life, I'd simply FAIL!