If scoring good marks only could shape me and my life, I'd simply FAIL! - Anuja Khadka

A Touching article by Anuja Khadka. Read more of her post from
www.anuja-etcetera.com/2011/08/if-success-of-life-was-scoring-good.html

My parents always wanted me to reach to the apex. To top wasn't my dream but it was the dream of my parents. I did it. I was merit student since my pre-primary level. I used to score high marks. There was trend of rote learning all around. Little me, I used to stay under the sun every morning and move my back and study like the Pundit spells out his mantras.
Before entering the examination hall, I used to again see my notes and memorise it. Rote learning was something I never wanted but our course was so large for my little mind that I was forced to memorise everything. There came a time when I almost forgot everything that I had memorised.
I was good in extra – curricular activities, so better than my Maths and Science. I was active and forward in Singing, Dancing, Sports and many other activities. My favourite competition was Spelling Contest. It's because I knew how the words sound and its formation. I had learnt it myself. I wasn't given home assignment for learning about those stuffs. I even won the good positions in this contest, also English Essay Writing too.
In the other hand, I was bad in Maths. I was poor in Science. It's because I had no passion for those studies. The teacher used to teach and, my little mind had no space for comprehending all those formulae. Next day, I used to forget everything and teacher used to shout at me making his Mouth wider and wider showing that scary stick to me. Poor I, that behaviour of the teacher had developed a fear in me. I say you, our teacher never tried to teach and understand our timid psychology. Did they? But, I give the favorite subjects' position to English.
The knowledge of understanding the book came to my mind when I reached grade 10. I tried and apprehended some formations of Chemistry elements. Then I did well in Chemistry. Same happened with Physics and Biology. It was late but never too late. Optional Maths and Compulsory Maths for me was late since I hadn't understood its base perfectly. But, comparatively I did well.


Time had stroke for S.L.C examinations. I never revised English, Nepali, Social Studies and Health Population properly. My whole day and nights went on with Maths, maths and again maths. My school used to pressurize us with fear. I think, a teen's mind doesn't work with fear because I felt so. We were not allowed to skip a single class unless we are unwell. Then, I used to lie to the school, I was sick. I don't blame myself for lying. I blame school for forcing me to lie. So, is the story of every student? From early morning to late evening, I was attacked by assignments. The pressures of those loads are ineffable in words. I'm sure I don't have to explain. We all have faced the same. We had regular classes from 6 in the morning to 5 in the evening, sometimes even 6. 12 hours inside the same classroom with the patches of inks on my palm was disgusting. I used to feel so sleepy. For that I was scolded, my friends were scolded. I don't blame myself for feeling sleepy; I blame those school pressures for feeling sleepy. I used feel so tired that I can't explain.
My sad story, I used to work hard. Even feeling sleepy, I used to try and mope it away with one flush of water. After returning back, I had no time for rest. My sweet mom used to feed me as soon as I returned back. I used to carry on with my forcefully loaded assignments.
Most of the times, I slept with my books and copies open. From 4 in the morning to 11 at night, my mind was fully on studies. God damn! I was hardworking.

My teacher had only one famous question repeatedly, 'Do you have any questions?' How would I have questions when my mind didn't develop that creativeness? Every student doesn't come with same mind, do they? Some understand before clock strikes a second, some doesn't even after an hour and some need the repetition. Yes! My teachers had same old dialogue 'I can repeat it hundreds of times'. As a poor student asked to repeat it for several times, yes, they used to but, an eye of viewing that student used to be 'A POOR STUDENT'. Hello sir! Hellos miss! The student is not poor; the student wants to understand YOU as you are not able to explain well. If merit students understood the formation of wavy lines, these students could understand the formation of a straight line. No one is to that level of not understanding what a DOT is, eh?
Yes! I stood distinct in that hated S.L.C examinations. Happy were everyone. But, soon sad were everyone when I told them that I wanted to study ARTS. My dad wanted me to study science, my mom wanted me to study science. My dad actually wanted me to graduate in some degrees like Engineer or a doctor. After lot of cajoling, mom had understood my thoughts and ideas.
Since little, I have the queues of dreams. I now give wicked smile to those queues of my dreams. Ha-ha! When I reached grade U.K.G, I told mom, I wanted to be a doctor. All because, I only knew only one profession 'doctor'. When I reached grade 3, I wanted to be a pilot. Ha-ha! More, I reached to grade 4; I wanted to be a Lawyer as I was impressed by one TV serial where the presence of that female lawyer was portrayed successfully. In grade 6, one day I was walking with dad from Satdobato to Lagankhel catching his fingers. I told him, dad I want to be an Architect. He had told me 'really OK'...

But when I reached grade 7, I fixed my field. I was sleeping with mom. I told her that I wanted to be a good journalist. I was so aware about my future. I was at the age of early teen but I used to think so deeply. What I loved to do, what I didn't. I calculated and filtered everything. I told her I wanted to study mass communication when this subject wasn't popular in our country. She thought, oh! Her little mind and said 'OK!' I was permitted.
Since then, now that I'm at graduate level I didn't let my dream down. But, in the other hand when it came time for studying Humanities (Arts), dad disliked it. Not only dad, almost everyone disliked. What was there wrong in studying this subject? I can't understand. Arts student was leveled as Third Class student. Come study and I'll tell you to which class does it belong to. I topped the college non-stop as it was the field of my interest. I loved writing. As I was about to be admitted at K.U, dad even asked m e if I could change it to something like Engineering. Oh! I hated but I respect it too.
If I was focused for increasing the talent that I had in born, then I would be far more talented. Now I realise I needed music classes, I loved guitar, and I needed art classes. Any one Mom? Had you trained me, your daughter would be far talented.
I hate Medicines and Drugs. I can't stand their presence around me. I can't stand Blood. I can't bind myself in a simple formula. I don't believe in that sort of knowledge that is forgotten. I have forgotten 10ths Opt. Maths' formulae. So, what was it useful for? They are like nightmares. I love Photography, literature and love to be surrounded by books. I love TV, movies and music. I love art creating things, imagining, and knowing WORLD!

I have chosen the life sustaining field, equally interesting and challenging. Then how could I study Medicine and Engineering DAD? If scoring good marks only could shape me and my life, I'd simply FAIL!

Open Source

Ask not what open source software can do for you, but what YOU can do for open source software.

Open Source has started a new trend in the world of Computers. It refers to developing a product while allowing access to the end product's source code. This means anyone can modify the final product and redistribute. It allows improvement and diversity in products. Modification and customization is actually encouraged in open source. This helps incorporating different ideas into the software; which makes its self-enhancing. The world is all about freedom; and we need to have the freedom with the software we use too. No program is perfect, and people may have different wants and needs; so open source softwares allows people to modify and redistribute the program as they see fit.

One of the major benefits of open source software is the public collaboration behind each project. Most open source projects are created by tens of thousands of programmers all collaborating to create, and improve upon, a flawless website framework. A common open source software from Mozilla foundation is “firefox” - it's referred to a browser created by geeks for the geeks. However it has become one of the most popular web browser in the world. Another benefit of Open Source Software is that we have the power to see what we get. Closed-source software forces its users to trust the vendor for quality, security, and future changes.

The Open Source community attracts very bright, very motivated developers, who although frequently unpaid, are often very disciplined. They are the developers that want to provide some service to the people; they are the people who actually love coding. They aren't all about money making by creating small updates and making public pay for it. A common myth about open source software is that they are of low quality and you get what you pay for. Well I'd like to say there still is goodness in this world, Open Source software are equally as good or even better than corresponding closed source software. They are developed by enthusiastic and people who like the word “freedom”. The sin in open source comes from contributing neither one’s time nor money. Many brains work on these software to bring you exactly what you are looking for. Another myth about it is that its meant only for geeks; well how geeks wish it were true but its not the case. Open Source is meant for everyone, even you can contribute your ideas. Contribution doesn't mean just programming, its sharing of ideas, revenues, testing of products.

Now, we may be asking “Is There Money in Open Source?”. To answer that lets look at “Red Hat” - world's leading open source technology provider. They are approaching $1 Billion annual revenue. Another popular foundation “Mozilla” has more than $100 million annual revenue. This proves that there certainly is money in open source if utilized properly. Open Source has a strong platform for youth with energy. Open Source helps a youth to improve his CV and he can also gain knowledge from the development process, by looking at others code and working with them. If the projects are popular then it can enhance your CV. Contribution to open source can be done by anyone, even non-programmers. Translation of language, offering service, Spreading projects or open source, hosting and encouraging projects, funding projects, using the software are some of the works that can be done even by the non-programmers.

Open Source is all about combination of ideas and innovation of many people, to create something beautiful for the world. Its a movement to give software freedom to the world, to give people what they want. Imagine a world where all the people work together and communicate, then we won't be strangers to each other. Open Source is a movement to collaborate powerful, intelligent, willing mind to provide something better without hiding. Ask yourself what can you do for the foundation because open source matters....

The Angel that I met

Life is a funny, and so unpredictable. I guess none of my friends really expected me to love someone more than the gadgets and football. I never really seemed to care cause I was happy with my life, my attitude my thoughts. I enjoyed my solitude and never ever thought of a change. As a social activity I enjoyed chatting with people from my friend's account (basically cause people in my account used to run away). Then I came across this angel, sweet as a chocolate, beautiful as a rose, soft as a pillow. I had never seen anything so fascinating in my life; the way she smiled, the way she talked everything was getting captured and stored in my heart. The beautiful talks and jokes and her bright pretty face was screen saver for my brain which ran on every 10 seconds of inactivity. The talks and jokes produced a magical tone that reached my heart and called it towards her.

I tried to reboot myself but I was totally captured by this beautiful soul. There was no way out or maybe I didn't want myself out. The beauty, the softness, the voices kept playing on my brain even when she wasn't there courtesy of recording in laptop. The more I heard and saw the deeper I was falling. Then came the time to ask her to be mine; but I didn't have the software to propose this beautiful angel. I tried to build one but it took me a thousand tries to make my software come anywhere near her beauty/2 (half). I knew it wasn't enough but being an angel, she agreed to install. I then presented her with exclusively selected welcome and thank you message. She maybe didn't like my interference but appreciated my functionality. I then took a vow to make her smile for ever, to make her feel special for ever.

Times passed by, and she helped me decorate myself with love and emotion, showed me a life that was as beautiful as she. I became the happiest person to have her on my side. She showed me even how small things in life can make you happy. I learned to (well still am) develop emotions and respect others. My social acceptance increased; I started making friends, my parents started loving me like never before. I had someone that accepted me as who I was and always supported me. She made my life special and I actually started enjoying and loving my life.

I am grateful for meeting this angel, that transformed my life into a visual reality (3rd paragraph) from computer minded self (2nd paragraph). I guess I found a new reason to smile, a chance to actually miss someone. Still tears fall off my eyes when I hurt her or don't meet her expectation. I try every time to be better for this Angel I Met; I don't know if I am succeeding but that doesn't mean I'll stop trying. For she is the main() function of my program. The function that calls other function and without which program is clueless.

Life, String, ME.....

Life always plays strange; one second your the happiest person you can imagine, next moment you are weeping for something you never had. We just revolve around the same old thing over and over again. We never get tired of it, even though we know there are better things waiting for us. We never really move on.... Life isn't attached to just one string, yet we feel that is the only string thats holding us and protecting us.

We only see the things we want to see, we don't care about others. Trying to please someone just seems to be an act of desperation now!!! Yeah, we might have lost something, something huge... but "Life Never Stops"; does it? We cannot really move on until we are ready to take the first step, but we enjoy staying, trying to prove we are good. The world doesn't give a shit if your good or bad, it only sees how you are moving. Someone's victory is someone's loss...

Life is meant to be lived with smile; but it doesnt give u a reason to smile..... Its up to you to choose and battle for it. You are never wrong in this world, every path you choose takes you to a certain place. You just have to be the leader of it. Yet we stay behind, blaming each other or ourself for something that is lost. We stay confused, lie awake trying to get back whats ours. We seek advice, we don't follow it. We dream big, yet we don't work for it. We read "reach for the stars", but we aren't ready to face the pain while falling from height. The world just gets more and more weird to me.

As for me, I am just lost in time, trying to be me. I am not a clown, yet I try to bring out that precious smile to people I care. Its not appriciated; people don't want to smile, they want to have something different in life. I fail to understand the emotions, I look like a #fool just jerking off.... Can someone fucking tell me, what the fuck's going on? Honestly, I just want to be normal; Its a lonely world where no one understands you.... Yeah, it broke me... people stabbing behind my back.. Well if there is something I learned after that is just keep moving, don't stop...

"Learning a new thing is useless unless it enables you to think differently". Knowledge is only acquired when we start to act sensibily. Just ask yourself what have you done in life.. if you're satisfied with the answer be happy else you know what to do.. move on. There is nothing left to say... soon you'll fade away but I am just a human being what ever you call it; you wouldn't even find a real man if you saw it..



Don't be a stupid fuck, listening to your heart and not your gut; just constantly thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking........ The places you ever think about is lost in time

Life String and me

The God De-mystifiyed

"God" often described as the supernatural creator and overseer of the universe.... They are supposed to be the most powerful well... being or element or lets say of anything.... They made everything....you see around and ofc you, yourself lol... There are millions, billions of people who follow god blindly and many have devoted their life for this super power house. They worship, they hope, they dream, they eat, they live in the name of god... Thank god for everything he's given us in life and thank and pray again before and after any work.... God has been turned into a monstorous component controlling every part of mind and hope in life... What people do forget is... "YOU are the GOD yourself for YOU".



Yes, You are the god, you make things happen around you... you create the environment around you... you create the future for you... You may have heard of stories saying god creating living beings, earth, environment.... Well throw it out of mind... cause I say that it is untrue... There has been a debate of existance of god... the probability still is 50-50... but its something one cannot help... You cannot prove neither the existance nor the non-existance of god... both sides have valid arguments... but I believe its a Permanent argument and if something cannot be proved permanently you gotta deny its existance... hence I deny it... Anyways... We are in a century where we have to believe in our ownselves a time we need to let go off the belief god being third or other supernatural power...... Are we ready to make the change???



Lets check it out, We say god has already decided all the person's faith before he's born.... then why the hell are some born evil? Do god want their fate to have evil in them... Then how is he called unbiased?? Also a fact that freaks me out of the word god is

"Is god willing to prevent evil, but unable to? Then how is he a super power?

Is god able to prevent evil but unwilling to prevent evil? Then how is he a Fate Decider?

Finally is god both unable and unwilling to prevent evil? Then why call him god?"

There is no answer to these question.. A people may say god test and there is time... but havent other innocent people suffered enough? what mistake did they make? Some might say after death they suffer... well in life others suffer and me well I will love to suffer after death than to suffer in this world... As I think deeper the funnier and more interesting these stuffs get... I find parents saying to children... believe in god, he has already decided your life... but when the child fails to do something; poor kiddo gets all the scolding... Why can't the parents think that time that god has written it in his fate to fail in the thing..... More things I can think of well I bought of this statue and on the way i had an accident and I believe it saved my life.... Well recently I had a man utd tea cup and voila I was saved from being hit by car... Man I should worship that man utd tea cup, it prevented me from being hit by a vehicle



Well going to my definition of god; "God - The most creative imagination of human being that even ruled them.... " Yes, a creative human made thing has ruled human itself... We worship them, we follow them, we feed them, we bow infront of them... while I can imagine from what I've heard they just sit along waiting to pleased... Well I just got some words for people "Stop believing in something else, start believing in yourself". Why do you need a third god??? Something that might or might not be out there... Just follow yourself and your path, You will reach the place of your dream... Forget the dellusion, forget the religion cause I can tell you one thing... "The best thing about being an atheist is, you can actually use your creativity."



Lastly - Worship yourself, feed yourself and finally gain yourself... cut the third party out of life ;). God hates me more I see the life....

Fourth Dimension - A myth or a reality???

Fourth Dimension is supposed to be a prependicular line drawn to the three dimension we live in our life, namely length, width and height. It is practically an impossible case and we are believed to be stuck in the world of three dimension. There are other dimensions available too, but due to our limit we find it difficult to visualize it. However relating to Einstein's theory of relativity, we often call time the fourth dimension. It has stated curvature of space, which basically means if you keep on travelling in the same direction through the universe, you will eventually arrive back at your starting point.Also by using Lorenz equation we can say length contracts as speed increases; time expands as speed increases. Then we can say when the objects are at rest, they are only moving in the time dimension and when they start moving, their velocity increases in the three space dimensions, and therefore it slows down in the time dimension.

Thus, time, like space, is a dimension in itself, and objects can transverse it in a similar way as they do through the third dimension. However it differs from other space directions in such a way that we can move forward and backward in space, but in case of time we are moving in only one direction that is forward. It can be implemented by the fact that we can go back to the distance from where we came; but we can never go back at that time or past.So time is taken as a unique dimension that has some effect in life continuously but cannot be visualized easily. The difficulty to visualize time as fourth dimension comes from the fact that we can only sense in our world. For example if we take our world to be a two dimensional; then we can only move up or down and left or right it will be difficult to imagine the way we can work in third dimension. Similarly, the "Time" - the fourth dimension here is a visually locked phenomenum that can only be imagined.

Every event in the universe can be located in the four-dimensional plane of space and time. Even Writings can create personal universes in which this events inside space-time operates for the reader. The reader can be regarded as a co-creator. Write writes the words from his world at his speed, while reader picturizes it creating his own world and speed. So time connects objects and spaces on a temporal path, thus creating a new spatial dimension. Since we are not living in a 4D world its really difficult to imagine the fourt dimension. Like the growth of plant is really slow, they are growing each day by a small amount but we can only notice it after the change is visible. To think about spacetime we can assume two observers in motion relative to each other, and differently situated with respect to gravitational masses. They each carry a clock of identically similar construction and function. Then, the point of view of each observer will generally be that the other observer's clock is in error.

Hence, fourth Dimension is occuring in our daily lives but is not noticiable and practically cannot be experienced. It is almost impossible to experience it in our real life without the use of assumptions. However, this time dimension can be used as a measure to compare different action taking place and it is the reason why most of the theories of physics are derived from it. It can't be properly imagined by us, similar to creatures living in 3d can't imagine us.

Modernization - A trend to change

Modernization - A trend to change; Things around us are constantly changing for betterment and user friendliness. In the social sciences, Modernization refers to a standardized evolutionary transition from a 'pre-modern' or 'traditional' to a 'modern' society.The times, events everything are constantly changing before our very eyes. The dreams we used to see, the things we used to do are different from what our ancestors saw and did.The world is getting more and more competative, everyone is looking to take a longer stride towards success. So a thought came to me, have we modernized enough? Have our mind and attitude changed towards the new world. We still follow the old philosophy and old religion and tradition. Are they compatible with the current world we are living in, is what I want to know.

The current world or the modern world waits for no one. We have been studying, "think ten times before doing any work", can this still be implied to life? Coz if we dont act quick enough, the oppertunity will be taken by others and we will be left thinking more. I strongly take "dont think much; just act" to my life; which basically means make one strong decision and take it all the way to the end as you cant go wrong with it. Similarly there are many other thoughts and traditions that workded in the past, but doesnt fit properly to our life right now. Its said life is like a bicycle, you dont fall off until u stop pedaling but right now that bicycle has taken the form of motorcycle and race between em. Life now has been equipped with an engine and is made ready for the race since childhood by selecting the best machineries and fueling them to perform faster and cooler. Its not a life where we go together holding hands or pedalling bicycle; it has now been made a speedy and dangerours road towards our destination and lacking behind is taken as an insult and burdern. So now the life has changed so much, can we still apply our same old philosophies and work under it?

The mind and attitude needs to be developed along with society. Without the new and modern thoughts the time and the society doesnt move towards the place which we dream of. The chainging culture, tradition, thoughts should match the environment and life one is living. The way we visualize our life should be faced towards the speed the world demands. Like six singles is an over in cricket than one boundary in whole over, the world doesnt need perfectism; it needs to be progressing each moment. For that to be true we must be strong enough to hold on to a thought and confidently move forward with it. The more you doubt and more you think; lesser will be your oppertunity and the chances to succeed. We all are built as a power horse with fully equipped engines and moving with older thoughts like pedalling will get you behind the other motorcycle riders.So we must make our own philosophy and move with our own thoughts that matches the current senario.

Finally, DO NOT be a spoon fed baby when you can be the king of your world. There is no necessity to follow something fake and unpleasant and get engaged in god; coz the god u pray and dream of is u, urself. Your the only one that can change and control your life. Listen to your brain, as it is the CPU of your body and only part in you that can think. The books may say "look before you leap", but I intend on saying "grab when you can". I recently found a motto that fits the modern society too "If opportunities do not knock on your door then try to build another door by yourself". So think how you want to live - A modern life with old thoughts or a competative life with active thoughts........

Can we live without Computers?

This topic came out to my mind when our computer teacher asked this question in the classroom. The answer was of course yes there. This thought then struck my mind can we really live without pc? All the comforts and standards will be gone. Well I had a tough time living without internet for just 7 days but without my computer…. Its something I would rather not try :D.
Ok logically speaking, we need air, food, shelther, energy and blah blah all the things to live and a balanced environment. So there is no computer there… nor it existed on early stage of human evolution and life. So its proven we can live without computers. So why am I bringing this topic? Am I insane? Well may be I am. But its worth a mentioning since the computers have been like the blood and bone for human beings. Everything we do, the computer has got involvement. So it is a thing that fascinates life not runs it. We human beings can live without comforts can’t we…. After all we are social and intelligent, what can a silly box do to us? And even science has proven we don’t need computer to live….
Well that’s logical and theoretical. Now imagine a life without computers, no speedy vehicles, no word and other application, no music players, no facebook and internet . That’s not all, think of other application and things you do and how much computer is involved in it. Now remember John Lennons Imagine and try it with computers…

Imagine there's no Computer
It's not easy even if you try
No means to comfort us
Only the human brain and muscles
Imagine all the people
Living for today
Running without vehicles
Calculating without calculators
Animating without Software
It clearly indicates we all are so much used to computer and its comforts. And I certainly would not want to take any risks by not using the computer for a month or so. (anyone dares to try lol). So you can argue that a human can survive with its intelligence and the nature. Maybe they can, I kno it would be very difficult for me if I do manage to survive somehow. Still the question arises how would the human life be without computers. Can we just leave all the comforts and work our heart out? Are we still energetic and active? I guess not. We will certainly struggle without computers in the current era. I love my PC, I have to get daily dose of computers lol I simply do…. So wat I do conclude is that without pc humans can hopefully survive but their mind will be so dull that they wont seem like a living being. I remember a Korn Song here.. pardon me… its titled dead bodies everywhere (offtopic – listen to it :D)…. The human beings without pc might be something like that…coz there will be no communication and no huge work and certainly no development and its like living in a casket only. Your free to argue my points……. Would love to hear you :D